Rectal Rocketry and the Meme Delay

So I don't have a lot to say today Socket Seekers.

Calm down, we don't need the noisemakers and confetti.

My brother texted me, "Is this true?" then nothing. He, of course, doesn't know about my top-secret transness. So then he decided to send me this huge meme file that froze up and caused the long delay. My mind, of course, immediately thought he knew my secret. Or someone told him I could tolerate chicken. But no, it was a stupid meme about traffic in a city I used to have to drive every day. I am considering suing him for almost causing me a heart attack. Sorry I didn't finish the story yesterday, but I thought cutting it off would get across the panic I felt.

Speaking of panic, I have been having, let's call them, emergency evacuations. I have figured out all those cool water enhancers are incompatible with my colon. You know those water rocket kids' toys? I was basically turning into one and heading for orbit most days. I stopped using them and my flights have stopped. I know you wanted to learn about my colon today, so you are welcome.

On another note, I started writing a book. I am working on the first chapter. I used a lot of profanity, so I am hoping we can charge for each of those. I don't know who would want to read it—probably prisoners with limited options. I will see if we can have it printed on Charmin so it can serve two purposes. I feel like this effort is a little self-centered to think anyone will care, but hey, no one is forcing them to read it.

So that is all I for today.

Useless Recap

• My brother's delayed meme delivery was a literal fire drill to induce psychological panic.
• Water enhancers are directly linked to unauthorized rectal rocketry.
• I started writing a book that doubles as emergency toilet paper for inmates.

Disclaimer: Sponsored by Charmin. Please don't sue me; I am just trying to find a dual-purpose market for my inner monologue.