Moats, Micro-Homes, and Missing Context

Socket Seekers lets get this over with we all have things to do.

My brother texted me, which is not unusual since we text each other stupid jokes all the time, or I tell him how we have IT engineers who are supposed to build systems for our entire staff and I wouldn't let them wipe my Etch A Sketch. Someone really needs to rein in my storytelling; I am clearly not capable of that. Anyway, he texted me, "Is this true?" then nothing. The bastard said nothing. My brain immediately thought: did he figure out I am trans? Did he know that I bought a Tears for Fears CD? And the big one, did he find out I can tolerate cantina chicken from Taco Bell, OH NOOOO? So that happened today. I am going to do you a favor so you understand my panic: I am going to hold the rest of this story until the end.

I have been thinking I am not excited about buying a house. I live in less than 800 square feet. I don't need 1,500–2,000 square feet. I do want a garage and a place to hide from other humans with a moat and a drawbridge. Maybe automated turrets that fire pepper spray balls—I don't need corpses decomposing outside, think of the flies and the smell. And full attack dogs and razor wire. And... sorry, I got lost in my house plans. I just don't need a 2,000-square-foot home that will cost more to heat, cool, and defend from the herds of blood-sucking humans. I think about the fact that I have to deal with insurance, higher utilities, house issues, and worst of all, neighbors. That's compounded if they have a bunch of partially formed humans that they created like a genetic experiment.

The problem is that I looked at rental prices in my future high desert city and the average is $1,200–$1,800, and I can get a house for less than that. At least if I buy a house, I can install a fortified wall with razor wire around it to keep their demon spawn out of my yard.

I know it sounds like I don't like children, but that isn't true. I just don't like them near me. If you have children, well, that is a you problem. I didn't make that mistake, and I shouldn't have to hear them screaming or breathing. Wow, maybe I do hate children. Can someone contact my therapist? She isn't taking my calls. "I'm overworked" and "you need to consider being institutionalized" or "did you take your meds?" blah, blah, blah... Yes, I took my meds 21 hours ago. They wore off around now; maybe I need to write this in the morning when they are still full strength.

So that is it. I feel like I am forgetting something. I am sure one of you will remind me what it is.

Useless Recap

• IT engineers should not be trusted with specialized drawing toys.
• A proper 800-square-foot home requires a moat, a drawbridge, and non-lethal automated turrets.
• Children breathing near me is a clear boundary violation.
• My medication timeline is currently losing a war against my psyche.
  

Disclaimer: Sponsored by the number 8 and slushies. Dammit, now I want a slushie. Off to Sonic!