The Blueprint for Automotive Mutilation

This one is for the Jeep Socket Seekers,

I am currently trapped in my apartment, which normally I prefer. The new fenders for my Jeep have arrived, and the box is officially as massive as the door to my apartment. Resting on top of it is the aluminum inner fender kit to replace the crappy plastic liners that Jeep originally installed. I am considering having them painted to match the body of my Chief Blue Jeep, but that requires interacting with humans that I don't know, so the tower of cardboard stays right where it is.

Another highly frustrating Jeep reality is that the seats were clearly designed by the exact same sadists who design sports arenas—specifically when they want to see if humans can be successfully shoved like cattle into a truck on the way to slaughter. These design masterminds also made it so that when the seat is positioned all the way back, the buckle receiver digs directly and perfectly into your hip joint. Had they made that part just two inches longer, it would comfortably clear the console. Instead, it makes you contemplate finding them and using a nail gun to intimately explain the level of pain they inflict on drivers with wide hips.

Because of this, my current plan is to commit structural assault on my Jeep with a saw. I am going to cut away the center console where the inept designer should have allowed the seat belt to recess into the plastic.

So, that is where we stand. My Jeep is about to get completely swiss-cheesed to install flat fenders, followed by a casual chainsaw modification to the interior just to accommodate my genetically inherited hips.

Useless Recap:

• Jeeps are awesome, obviously.
• Jeep interior designers are not.
• I may eventually be crushed to death by a hostile tower of cardboard.
• I am planning to commit tool-based assault against my own property.

Disclaimer: I am not actually going to track down automotive engineers. It does, however, give me immense therapeutic comfort to envision them experiencing the exact level of hip pain they have inflicted on the wider-hipped demographic.