Four Quadrants and Four Identical Albums

Socket Seekers, you are lucky I am not feeling chatty today,

I am writing this in an explicit effort to resist doing my therapy homework—an assignment that will probably help me, but we don't acknowledge such things here. I have had to do these exact same four-quadrant diagrams for my corporate job, so I firmly feel like my therapist should be paying me for my consultative services.

In other unrelated—but highly effective—ways to delay working on my psychological development, I am currently spending an increasing percentage of my net worth on toilet paper. Yeah, I am going there, and you are actively choosing to read it. I haven't been feeling great lately, mostly because of my colon's urgent need to blast water like a high-pressure cannon. These increasingly frequent trips leave me completely exhausted. I am currently visualizing cascading rolls of toilet paper flying through the air instead of counting sheep when I try to sleep. I guess I could try to complete my corporate therapy charts on toilet paper in my dreams, but that is incredibly difficult to export and email.

In what is clearly another desperate effort to dodge my mental health responsibilities, I recently went online to shop for the new album from one of my favorite singers, Danielle Nicole. I always buy the signed version if it is available, and this time she offered a bundle that included both a signed vinyl and a signed CD. In definitive proof that I am terrible with money—and that I really, really did not want to analyze my life choices—I completely forgot I did this, went back to the store on a completely different day, and ordered the exact same bundle again.

This means I currently possess four identical copies of the same album. I guess I can give the duplicates to my brother. Or, better yet, I can use them as a tactical bribe to convince my family to stay far away from my apartment.

Useless Recap:

• Corporate-style therapy charts are a verified instrument of psychological warfare.
• My colon is currently operating as a high-pressure fluid asset.
• Accidentally hoarding signed media is a valid coping mechanism.
• I am armed with enough duplicate vinyl to bribe my relatives to leave me alone.

Disclaimer: Danielle Nicole did not authorize her music to be used as financial insulation against my therapeutic responsibilities. Please don't sue me; I cannot afford legal representation and my colon cannot tolerate a custody battle over my four identical copies.