Dollar Store Blinds and the Nosy Neighbors

It's morning in this part of the world and the ball of fire is cooking my Attachment—that is my name for apartments, if you are a new reader or old and forgetful. I do get a benefit that by lunchtime I can cook a Pizza on my couch.

The Blinds are closed to keep the human race out but the sun has decided it is more powerful than the blinds my landlord installs in these Attachments.

The problem is that they must have bought them on clearance at the dollar store. They do have a built-in feature that lets you know if your neighbors are nosy. All you have to do is walk past their window and the ones with all the tissue-paper-thin plastic slats broken are the nosiest.

For the record, my blinds are pristine—well, as pristine as the cheapest plastic ever made can be. I don't open them. I want as little interaction with the upright primates that inhabit my part of the world as possible.

The problem with this total isolation strategy is that when the ball of fire attempts to blind me, I have to dodge it by sitting in weird positions at my desk. I actually own curtains. I bought them, let's say, last year, and not the actual four years ago when I purchased them.

So I bought these curtains "a year ago" and never hung them up. I can hear all of you screaming, "Just hang them up!" And I would, but I have shows to watch and jokes to write. So you see, my huge audience of two readers needs me to write incredibly meaningful posts like, and who am I to prioritize curtains over a post they can read anytime they need to take a shit.

Instead of fixing the window situation, I decided to compile a comprehensive list of all the other vital adult crap I should be doing right now but have chosen to completely ignore:

• Jeep Fenders: Look, I will do it. I am just not excited to uninstall 42 bolts just to turn around and install 42 bolts all over again.
• The Curtains: I am going to move in less than two years. Yes, they may not work in the next place, and being folded up in a box that long is probably going to ruin them completely. But to hang them, I would have to move the chair by the window, and I simply don't want to.
• Wiper Blades: Okay, this one is actually becoming urgent. I will get to it soon, but changing them takes like a minute and a half. That is 90 seconds I could be using to watch reruns of Castle reruns, again for the 8th time.
• Meal Prepping: I will start doing this when it gets too cold to drive to Taco Bell. Sure, eating healthy means I would live longer, but to quote the great Sam Kinison from the 80s: "You don't want to be a life whore!"

Honestly, looking at this list is making me depressed, so let's move on.

I think this is the kind of thing my nemesis—aka my Therapist—is always talking about. I thought the customer was always right. She informed me that is not the case with therapy. In fact, I am paying her to tell me I am wrong, and to convince me that her way is better.

Now look, I will concede she is usually right, but let's not go off and tell her. Remember, she is the enemy and we need to stand up together... I mean, sit and watch Castle together!

We could talk about my complete lack of interest in making my life better or this endless procrastination to do simple tasks. But I decided to write about them instead.

//TODO Write explanation on how to over come procrastination before it auto posts on my blog.

Useless Recap:

• Broken blinds means nosy neighbors.
• The Fireball in the sky is attacking.
• A minute and a half of home maintenance is an insult to Castle.
• I am financially subsidizing a woman to tell me my life decisions are bad.

Disclaimer: Do not ask me to install anything. I have enough things to avoid doing. Is it bad that there is a piece of rubber swinging off the wiper while it's moving? It's probably fine.