The Rock-and-Roll Family Infiltration

It's another Socket Seekers post and you are choosing to read it, apparently.

In my previous post, I told you about my squatter that is currently occupying the prime spot on my couch. In another story of personal space invasion, my brother has decided to invade my socially self-confined life again. He is also borrowing my car again, since he is flying up.

Is it wrong to hope they fire him so he can't afford to visit so much? I love him and stuff, so it's not that we don't get along.

It's the constant hiding myself when he is around. As a closeted trans person who puts on a hyper masculine disguise when he is around, the deception is draining. I also feel bad that he doesn't understand I am this way because of the secret.

I know he loves me because, like a weirdo, he tells me every time we see each other. But I like Billy Joel and Chicago, and I don't love their entire catalog. How many bad songs does it take to kill that love? I love AC/DC, but "Night of the Long Knives" and "Snowballed" are terrible, and I think less of them for releasing them. Is that how it will be with us?

The reality is that I feel bad hiding that I am trans and really need to tell him, but it's easier to not tell him when he is a thousand miles away.

I know he is a good person and I know that he will probably accept me. I can accept that he likes country music, and I find that more offensive than being trans. He never hid his liking of country music; in fact, he was proud of it. He is planning another trip here in November. Against my will, I will see him. My regulated GAHT is doing some work on me, so I am not looking forward to it.

My plan is to do what I did the last time: drive him out to the woods and leave him there. OK, we will sit and laugh and talk about the nothings old people talk about when there is no cell signal to let us ignore each other. I only have one chair, so I will sit in the back of the Jeep and he can sit in my chair. It will probably be 40 degrees in the forest, but the back of the Jeep will keep me warm.

He might suffer a little pneumonia or frostbite, but he will get to hang out with his sibling who would rather spend the day writing silly jokes to strangers on the internet than have a meaningful conversation.

I know I sound like a coward that is trying to cause harm to a sibling in the dumbest way possible. But making him live with my reality is probably worse than me pretending I forgot he was coming and hiding in my apartment.

Useless Recap:

• I am afraid of telling my family I am trans.
• Pneumonia and frostbite is probably less painful for them to live with.
• GAHT is working.
• I am a coward.