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# The Couch Occupying Monster
- URL: https://www.socketseekers.com/the-couch-occupying-monster/
- Published: 2026-10-13T13:00:43.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-14T02:18:49.000Z
- Author: Tammy J
- Tags: The Occupying Bear, #Mental Health, #LGBTQ, #Humor

This is important information Socket Seekers,

So Bobby arrived in 2015; you see, that year was a really rough one for me. My dysphoria was assaulting my mind and I was thinking about ending it all. So in an act of self-preservation, I thought about my past. Normally those are not fond memories, but this time I remembered a teddy bear I used to take everywhere. So in an ill-advised Amazon trip, I invited this monster into my home for comfort.

When he arrived, he was pretty great and didn't complain about the tears that would get on him.

He informed me later that he is the galaxy's greatest hugging bear and that he was on the run. Apparently, word had gotten out about his superpowers to comfort people and he was hiding out.

He picked me because I used to commute to work one hour one way, then work for 10-12 hours, and then commute back. That meant he could watch whatever he wanted. Also, my growing agoraphobia meant no one would find him.

At this time, I had been self-administering HRT to myself for over a year and I was sure I would never be accepted by anyone.

My self-loathing was growing out of control, but he did keep me from following through. I believe he saved my life and, had I not reached out for comfort, I would have.

I was so attached to the bear that I wrote a will, and the condition on getting my money was that they take care of the bear. The idea of something bad happening to him if I followed through was the only deterrent that worked.

To repay his kindness and understanding, I decided to clean him up. I bought special spray for bears and scrubbed him down. Then I went to dry him off with a hair dryer.

That is when I discovered that his fur is made of Shrinky Dinks and, at high heat, his fur curls up like those silly party favors that you blow in. I was able to comb it out mostly, but it's still singed.

Ever since then, if I get too close, he assaults me. I told him he just makes a great pillow and he should be proud, but then—

**BAM!** *(envision a classic 1960s Batman splash screen right here)*—

he hits me square in the face like I just stole a package of Oreos.

Since the hairdryer incident, he has demanded that I buy him a T-shirt to hide his singed fur, stolen my pillow and blanket because he says I keep it too cold, and completely claimed half the couch.

In his latest set of demands, he now wants to ride shotgun when I go on my foliage-viewing trip later this month.

What I planned as a relaxing afternoon in the woods is now just me appeasing a tyrant who won't stop complaining.

I am considering locking him in the closet, but when I do that, he just keeps talking in my head until I let him out. And then I see a fur-covered paw flying at my face like he is Bruce Lee. He's holding my car keys hostage.

I am planning to move out, but he is fully aware of the plan and will probably find a way into my Jeep to make my two-day drive a trip of terror and misery.

So I might be trapped with an overbearing monster for the rest of my life. At least he makes me feel better by calling me pickle face.

Wait... is he a cartel spy?

**Useful Recap:**

- Beware of bears.
- They can be mean and territorial.
- The one squatting in my attachment is aggressive.
- He is a possible spy.
- I still love him.

If you or someone you know is thinking of harming yourself, call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

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