Condensation and the Conspiracies

Socket Seekers we are now returning to our regularly scheduled insanity,

Every morning I pour a large glass of Oxygen and Hydrogen. They are the perfect temperature of 37 degrees. Then, in an amazing act of defiance, they immediately start increasing in temperature. In less than an hour they have increased to 65 degrees. I think they are having a dance party in there and are working up a sweat. Their sweat is all over the outside of my glass. This is causing my desk to start to flood. There is an insulated storage container less than 100 feet from me in my Jeep, and yes, I could just go get it. Why should I have to be reasonable when they can't stop their party for a while until I consume them and turn them into urine?

I just had a realization. This is part of my therapist's evil plan. She calls it exposure therapy; I call it social assault. She is collaborating with my faulty memory and the hydrogen and oxygen atoms to make me leave my house. She has been pressuring me to go to her office for a session, and I am resisting because I am still trying to prove that human interaction is unnecessary. I have agreed to subject myself to human interaction in a few weeks, but now she wants to do it sooner. She had the gall to want to do it next week instead of never. I really like my date better, but she doesn't think that will help me. We did settle on going in mid-October.

So now I am doing that thing when you get invited to an after-hours work party where you try to find any valid reason to not have to suffer through it. My current plan is to tell her that I am trying to bust up the Pickle Cartel, and I don't have the 40 extra minutes in three weeks to drive to her office and back. But I think she works for them. She is currently double-dipping. She is sponsored by Puffs and is a secret operative of the Pickle Cartel. I would report her to the police, but I don't know how far this Pickle Cartel has infected our government.

Useless recap, this may be a crime blog today:
• Hydrogen and Oxygen are collaborating with my therapist.
• My therapist is trying to force human interaction.
• My therapist is a verified Pickle Cartel operative.
• I am becoming paranoid, but I know they are watching me.

Disclaimer: Puffs, I know you are part of this. Please don't sue me; I thought this was funny and I need tacos to survive. The Pickle Cartel hasn't infected them yet.